gothicfury

Am I ugly Do you see me what do you see When you look at me Do you see pain do you see torment do you see beauty well tell me how can I see beauty I look at myself I see ugly I see obese I see freakish machinations of a world gone wrong I see all of my pain I hear the crashing rain I see the darkness see the twighlight and a neverending night I see Ugly and that's all I'll ever be I see Ugly and that's all they ever see I see Ugly Cause I cannot see pretty Cause you cannot see me you just want to judge me for something that is the deepest part of me Who I was when I was young is not who I am it was just a sham Al

Whore 03/10/2006 Rape me Rape me all the time Rape me throw me on the floor do me like you did before take me and rape me Rape me rape me 'cause I don't care Rape me until my soul is bare Did you rape me without even being aware because I let you and I didn't try to fight would you have raped me if I hadn't let you take me Dirty inside I'm just a dirty whore that's all I'll ever be is just a dirty whore Rape me rape me cause I don't care take me on the floor I don't care anymore It will never feel good It will never feel right so just rape me tonight Make me your whore I'm already dead inside so rape my body raw

01/04/2006 LftP Why are you what are you why are you doing this to me Why do this why come back are you even worth my time Rape me hurt me hurt me again Why are you back do I make you feel good or do you want to be with me I don't know I want to know but in the end I only want to be with you pain so much pain but all of that is in my past pain so much pain but I can't forget that fast I want to believe but I need I need something that will last why have you come back........

12/31/2005 Somewhere over the rainbow somewhere far from here somewhere west of my dreams and north of my fantasies I wish for a beautiful nightmare and a woman dressed in black but all I see is a funeral and someone who will never come back Paint my life Black For the rainbow is a joke There is nothing there is nothing here Somewhere over the rainbow The scarecrow is getting high The lion is crying in a corner because he wants to die And the tin man got melted down he was turned into rims and hubcaps and they sold him for a nice price Dorothy got raped by a flying monkey and she'll be in therapy for years Toto got chop

12/30/2005 Darkness climbs into my bed like an old lover as I feel myself smothered and all seems clear I feel clarity I feel light and I feel peace I feel a strange sense of victory despite what is transpiring and I feel like I have won despite what is being undone I see bright sunsets and beauty and the absence of pain I see my beloved I feel happy and joyous with such a mild melancholy that it only feels like a calm The pain of my past starts to leave and I start to smile as I know I will cry no more once I look into her face and I'm held by someone that loves me and I no longer feel dirty everything is washed away

11/29/2005 Darkened Emptiness Steal my soul with cancerous intoxication steal my body with undesired sodomization rape my life with murder and hate rape my body with unwillingness to hear NO rape my soul until I'm dead cannot love cannot feel cannot deal with the things that are real Cannot be intimate with they that care Cannot have a single moment shared cry at night because I'm not who I am but I cannot feel when I need to I cannot be touched and have it feel real lost in a darkened cavern of hopelessness and I want to be free I cannot love So I do not want to I am neither afraid nor leery I just want nothing I want

12/06/2005 My hair was black when I met you It became red when we were through I was red at the advent of a new decision I will be blonde for the time of transition Darkened locks cut off and tossed away and bright locks darkened with the dawn of a new day Old color washes down the drain as if they are the colors of my soul As the old color fades And I see a new shade I somehow feel a little more whole As the changes happen inside I make changes I can't hide and it somehow makes the pain less Red black brown blond the colors of my hair are the colors of my soul when it changes it is a new dawn and allows me to focus on n

11/16/2005 wash me in this darkened place bring me home to my sanity I am dead bring me clarity Lost inside a darkened hole where I cannot find rest for myself as  the peace shifts and heartache rends me like an old piece of leather watch through the wretched eyes to a place of happiness as it is so far away but it is still there but I am yet so dark and my pain rapes me daily as being raped brought me pain and those..... are dead Carrie As young as we were for her to stay until I was able to touch her again It is still amazing and then as she was kidnapped and murdered at least.... I did not witness her death but...

The First Cut When I am sad and alone and darkness is my only friend I look for some relief from all my worldly woes the first cut is the deepest when anger flashes through my brain and red is all I can see my blood is boiling red hot I need to lash out so the first cut is the deepest when I am in a haze unfeeling to all that are around people reaching out to me but I hear now sounds the first cut is the deepest I reach for my special box and the blades with in I pull them along my inner thigh as I slowly cut my skin the first cut is the deepest it takes my to a special place the pain and blood transport me and as the f

"NO!" She ran. She couldn't make sense of it in her mind. Why would anyone do this? What had she done that made him so angry at her? Her heart ripped at her chest. She could feel her calves pleading with her to stop, to take a break and rest. Her lungs ached from pumping the air through her body. But, even though she heard all these sounds. . . she could still hear the sound of his feet hitting the pavement. That was the loudest of the sounds.   "Alena-" He panted as he chased after his fresh prey. It had been a long time since he had a girl run from him. It gave him a great thrill to know when he finally caught up with her, her blood would

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TEARS I cry I cry hard My life becomes a big mistake Why I am here only God knows I wish I had been aborted Love becomes a mistake Why do I screw up? I try hard Things backfire in a blast of pain Pain and sorrow This became my life First Jenn Then Scott And now I cry When  will I stop hurting the loved I cry tears Tears of death Of frustration I hate crying it brings pain I want my life back When I was in control When I was happy When I was something Not a nothing

Poetic rhymes flow through my mind like water down a mountain. Slowly wearing away at the ground that is my mind, concealed only by the beautiful words of pain that flow down the hills of the years of my life. Eventually the beauty fades and the river of poetic beauty runs dry revealing the deep scar etched into the hillside. Distorting the once tranquil and surreal enviroment, turning it into a dark and twisted landscape of a poor boys life. Over time the river is forgotten, overtaken by the years, only to resurface to destroy an establishment of a useful mind